Kong Fuzi is not a moralist who speaks of benevolence and righteousness, and what he teaches his students is not an abstract theory. He does not encourage his students to be nerds in the ivory tower, but rather to show their skills in the real world. One of his disciples Zixia said: "Learning and being good makes a scholar, and being good makes a scholar, and studying and working as an official should complement each other." There are many life experiences in the Analects of Confucius that teach students how to behave in the world.
Some people say: It is better not to read than not to know people. The first thing to do in life is to learn to read people. Confucius taught, "Look at his reasons, see his reasons, and see where he lives." How can a man hide? How can a man hide?" To understand a person, there are three points: the first is to look at his motivation; The second is to observe his means of doing things; The third is to examine what he is comfortable doing. If these three points are clear, what else can people hide?
These three points look simple, but it is actually not easy to do. Even old Master Confucius had mistakes, and he once said bitterly: Take people with words, and give them when they lose. Zaiyu was an excellent disciple of Confucius, and his eloquence was excellent. At first, Confucius heard him speak very insightful and liked him very much, but later found that the boy was a little inconsistent.
Once, Zaiyu sleep during the day, Confucius looked very angry, said: "rotten wood can not be carved, the wall of dirt can not be carved, rotten wood can not be carved, the long pile of dirt walls can not be painted." That's a pretty good comment. It's every word. Not to mention this, Confucius went on to say, "From the beginning, I listen to others and believe in their actions; Now I listen to what people say and watch what they do. "At first, when I hear what people say, I believe what they do. Today, when I hear his words, I examine his deeds.
It can be seen that to know people, first learn to speak. Confucius said, "If you do not know what you are saying, you cannot know who you are." However, Confucius gives people the feeling that he does not love to talk, he teaches students "gentlemen want to be slow in speech and quick in action", but in fact, Confucius not only loves to talk, but also a master of talking, he hates is "rhetoric", rhetoric, is "off-guard", full of mouth running train, east parents, west family short and so on. And Confucius speech is very careful, pay attention to "therefore less than the tongue", that is, a gentleman's word, four words can not be recalled.
So, how should a gentleman speak? Confucius said, "If you are with words but not with them, you lose people; Do not go with words and with words." Should not say, lose friends; You shouldn't be talking nonsense, wasting your breath. Confucius also taught how to talk with teachers, leaders, etc., "What is not enough is called mania, what is not enough is hidden, what is not seen color is called blind." You rush to speak before it is your turn, this is rash; It is your turn to say, but you do not say, this is deliberately concealed; He who speaks without looking at the faces of others is blind. This is Confucius's philosophy of speaking.
Confucius also had his own ideas about making friends. As we know, friends are very important in life. How to make friends? Confucius said there are three kinds of good friends and three kinds of bad friends.
Good friends are: friends straight, friends understanding, friends informed, that is, honest people, honest people, well-informed people, these three kinds of people are good friends.
Bad friends are: friends will be open, friendly and gentle, friends will be sycophant, that is, the heart of the evil and not right people, good at flattery, used to talk people, these three kinds of people are bad friends.
About making friends, Confucius also has a general principle: no friend is better than oneself. Don't make friends with people who are not as good as you, of course, this is not to make everyone snobbish, but to communicate with people who are stronger than you in virtue, knowledge, and ability.
It's important to have a sense of proportion when dealing with friends. Confucius said: "The number of the king, shame; The number of friends is sparse." It means that if you give repeated advice to the leader, you will incur humiliation; Repeated advice to a friend will lead to estrangement. What to do? "Advice and good way, can not stop, do not humiliate yourself", that is, Confucius said the middle way, to be impartial, compromise, do everything, to grasp the degree, grasp the heat, neither can not meet the requirements, can not do too much, the so-called too much.